Sunday, July 4, 2010

Blunders, Explosions & Crashes

Odd title right????? I know, but it all makes sense just have to suffer through my rambling to get right down to the meaning of it. :-)

First of all, Happy 4th of July to everyone! I am so happy to see this holiday and for more than just the usual reasons. I'm happy to see this day because it means I survived this past weekend.

Survived what you may ask??....Well... myself actually (and that's no small feat folks, let me tell ya..).

The beginning of it all is "blunders"..I work doubles (10am-midnight) as a waitress on Fridays & Saturdays. So Friday morning rolls around and I'm mentally preparing myself for the "Battle of Self Control". In my line of work, self control is essential (I work for tips so my pay kind of depends on it). I'm actually quite proud to say I've mastered the skill of smiling and appearing completely unfazed by rude, idiotic customers. Ya know the type of people I'm talking about....the snappy women, who literally snap their fingers at you for drink refills (while they've still got half a glass I might add), the guy who cusses at you because lunch specials have ended and he wants a lunch platter, the large weight watcher's failures who constantly have you running for more butter and a refill on that Diet Pepsi (all while they're griping that we don't have a WW points menu or a low carb menu) and my personal favorite..the families with young children who are the most miserable lil' creatures I have ever encountered...screaming, demanding root beer floats, throwing food and getting told how silly/cute/precious they are by they're obviously oblivious parents...... As you can see I've gotten myself sidetracked, this list could go on indefinitely..So, back to "Blunders":

I'm getting ready for work, and realize I left my mascara in the car. Skip out to get it and the car is locked and the keys are by the gear shifter. No biggie, I've got a spare in my purse. I proceed to rip through the house trying to find my purse...then it dawns on me. The purse, with the spare keys is in the passenger seat of the locked car. BRILLIANT! Just Brilliant! Make the call to Gieco and they inform me that since I'm way out in Noodle, the soonest they could get to me would be about 1-2 hours. Fabulous, that will make my arrival time at work at the END of the lunch shift. Time to call the boss. He's not thrilled, but says it's alright, to just make sure I'm there for the 2nd half of my double. I wait for what seems like an eternity (wrecker got lost) and then he finally arrives in all his 3 toothed glory in a bright yellow truck. I stand out, in the drizzle because it just seems rude to wait inside after he came all the way out to unlock my car. He's talking to himself in a mixture of Spanish & English and I only realize this is a one sided conversation AFTER I try responding to him for the 2nd time and he gives me this look as if I was interrupting a conversation....Weird, but the fella got the door unlocked so I can't complain. One blunder solved, and I think the day will actually turn out great since I have a lil spare time to myself.

I decide that since I should have been at work, it wouldn't be seemly to be lazy on this extra time so I decide to do the right thing and use the time wisely. Which means heading into town early, getting a few errands done and heading by Tractor Supply to pick up rabbit food since the bunnies were almost out....Here is where the "Explosions" fit in.

I head to the back of the store where the 50 lb bags are kept, drag half of them out to check the dates on the feed bags (why pay the same amount of money for 3+ month old feed, when I can get fresher, newer feed for the same price?) much to the annoyance of the employees. Though in my defense, after I got the bag I wanted, I put everything back where it was before, so they can take their dirty looks and eye rolls and shove it where the sun don't shine as far as I'm concerned!! I heave the bag up and hold it in front of me sort of bear hug style, and begin the walk to the front. I make it about 15ft from the registers (in the middle of the store) when everything starts to fall apart...Literally.

The bottom of the bag is coming apart, in the middle of the store and I have to find a way to stop this from getting really embarrassing!!! Now, for a visual: You know those old cartoons where the character is falling and he starts rapidly going hand over hand trying to grab a rope that's already out of reach?? Well picture that in more of a hug form and in a downward motion instead of reaching upwards. That's me. :-/ Rapidly making lil' downward hugs trying to stop the flow of feed that's gotten quite large. The goal was to hug/close off the bottom and hopefully prevent more of a mess. Didn't work. The small flow quickly turned into an explosion of feed (see how that ties into the title?) It's noisy, it's messy and I'm doing this silly looking hug thing trying to stop it all. In the end there's a 50lb mass of feed all around me, the dust from the feed billows up and temporarily disturbs my view of the world and that's when all the bad hits (meaning total embarrassment can settle in since I am no longer occupied trying to stop the feed flow).

I'm standing in the middle of the store, feed all around me, covered from head to toe in dust (so much dust that my hair looks greenish/grey) and I'm HUGGING the damned feed bag to me as if it's some sort of lifeline!!!!! Talk about embarrassing....people gawked for a few seconds before their good manners finally kicked in...a gentleman came and took the empty bag from me, and a few others took over scooping up the mess. I was tempted to just walk out of the store, but really needed the feed, so I say nothing and start walking back to the feed isle (would have helped clean up, but I was shoo'ed away for some odd reason..). A concerned employee stops me, offers to get the feed and insist on carrying it to the register and then out to the car (in a tone, I might add, that I did not appreciate. I swear he acted as if it was all MY fault and he was trying to save his store from more disasters caused by my hand.) I am more than willing to own up to my mistakes, but I just don't think the faulty feed packaging was my fault!

I finally get out of there and go into work covered in feed dust, so I have to start my shift off by shaking out my clothes, shoes and hair in the bathroom...wonderful, just wonderful. I also happen to notice I carry the faint aroma of alfalfa that lingers even though I've managed to remove most of the visible traces of feed dust, if anyone ask about it I've decided to say it's just a new organic perfume. :-)

I'm guessing I was getting a subtle punishment for my first call-in to work, because I get there and I find out management stuck me in the worst, no money making section..on a Friday night of all nights! Locked out of the car, feed explosion and now no money prospects for the night. This is just so wonderful...But, I suck it up, I don't whine or complain and I make it through the shift.

I get off a bit early (11:20pm) since I was in the back, dead section and am on my way to pick up cereal and other goodies for the kiddos at Wal-Mart. Do any of y'all ever go to Wal-Mart late at night? I swear it a convention of the crazies! I go through the store quickly and try not to brush up against any of them or to make eye contact (some of those folks are just nuts, I feel it's safer to avoid eye contact and think you should too)

Make it through the check out line, stand at the basket end of my cart and start pulling it out to my car. My phone goes off, so I'm digging through the purse, finally get it and start scrolling through the various alerts I've received. Here is where "Crashes" fit in.

Late at night it's not just some of my fellow shoppers that are crazy...Apparently the automatic doors are on the fritz as well! I glance up as I approach the doors, then back down at my phone and the next thing I know, I feel a sharp, painful blow to the center of my forehead and briefly think one of the odd shoppers finally snapped and attacked me...I land flat on my ass, next to my cart and glance around to find my attacker....Only to see a few scattered people looking and laughing at me. No attacker in sight.....An attacker might have been less damaging to my ego and would have made for a much cooler story. It was just an automatic door, that forgot it was supposed to open automatically and a tired, scatterbrained chick who walked smack into it. All in all it seems like a suitable end for my day. After all who am I to think that I can do anything in public without making a spectacle of myself on a day like this?!?! I provided the folks of Wal-Mart with a good laugh and the price was only a very sore forehead, rear and severely bruised ego.

Saturday wasn't much of an improvement. I decided to take "Simply Sleep" at 1AM Friday night/Saturday morning because I simply wanted to sleep the drama of the day away. Ended up in a fog for all of Saturday and had a huge variety of those blessed folks who test my self control so severely..

So...HAPPY 4th of July everyone! I am celebrating our freedom & our troops along with everyone else...But I'm also having a personal celebration as I feel it was some sort of miracle I've made it through the past couple days with my limited sanity still intact.

Now for some good food, fire works, and great family time! Have a fun & safe holiday! :-)


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