Originally posted on Tuesday, February 12, 2008
It's a semi decent day in the land of Noodleville.....though the typical boredom seems to have set in early today. :-/
For the munchkins it's still a bit too chilly to turn them loose outside just yet.
And as for me...well it's just a bit too early for me to have any real motivation to do something productive...and on a day like this, with no real pressing errands to be done, why not bum out in my PJ's until I get the urge to actually get dressed. The thought even crossed my mind to put on a DVD for the kids and curl up with my current book.
Of course, right about the time I decide that this is the thing to do, my kids decide otherwise and they are in no mood for TV of any sort.....Go figure.
This leads to a dress up game of sorts....me thinking that maybe if we play for a while they may be content enough to let me get through a chapter or two of my book. Of course, a game of dress up in Noodleville with toddlers must be goofy and silly. If it wasn't, what would be the point right? We end up with my daughter and I in really high pigtails (she picked the style), me in a mismatched pair of hubby's socks that come up to my knees and some funky, 70's type boy shorts that I didn't even know I had. My son of course participated and even though he didn't get the makeup, we drew some tattoos on him with eyeliner and put his hair up in a Mohawk. My makeup was grand, and was applied by my 2 year old daughter who just so happens to be a make up artist...we all looked fabulous to say the least. :-)
This of course got boring after a while as all things will in the world of toddlers, so it was time to revert to being productive in hopes of peace and quiet coming at a later time in the day. So, I blare some music and get to the process of tidying up the living room.
Somewhere along the way though, this went from a cleaning expedition to a make shift rock concert performance by yours truly....
For the sake of visuals, let me throw in a description of the scene. The front door leads right into my living room, with a large window for a full view of the living room and kitchen from the front porch. My couches are dark brown leather and set up in an "L" shape..with the couch being against the wall and the love seat being caddy corner to it. In the corner made by these couches is a built in bookshelf on the wall that starts at the top of the couch and ends about 1 ft from the ceiling.
Back to our "concert" though......I'm rockin' out in my goofy clothes & pigtails with my daughter by my side (my son's on the floor hopping around laughing at us) Were on the couch, slipping and sliding on the leather in our socks and having a blast. :-)
Of course this concert comes complete with a hairbrush microphone and belting out every tune that is playing (with no regard to tune or tone mind you) Not to mention a lil side dish of my personal impersonations of each artist I'm singing along with (complete with the ever famous "White Girl" dance moves even!) Not to mention a real healthy dose of self delusions about glory, fame and my wonderful talents as a total rockstar....Quite the spectacle you can imagine!!
I'm standing on the couch, one foot on the arm of it & right in the midst of a song I don't dare confess to, Brutus (my Dane) lets out a bark and to my horror I look up and see my neighbor's "she-man" (took me forever to figure out she was actually a chick) friend at the door!! Catching a 100% full view of what I'm sure looked like a scene from a nut house...Obviously, her just standing there, peering into my window startles me half to death and I jump and make the move to hop off the couch...this is of course where EVERYTHING falls apart....
Socks, clumsiness and being in a startled hurry all combined on slick leather do NOT mix well. In my startled motion to get down, I slipped, fell forward, made to catch myself and missed......Smashing my face into that lovely built in bookshelf!!!!
Instant bloody nose and a world that's spinning around me.........Not to mention watching the very last shred of dignity I could have salvaged from this situation slip right out the window..
By the time I recover, I see She-Man walking into the driveway (I'm guessing to get away from the spectacle she just witnessed) I figure if I have gone through this humiliation and pain I might as well figure out what the hell she wants! I grab a paper towel for my nose (several actually, it was bleeding quite profusely) and go out the door. Of course you could see the conflict on this woman's face...I dunno if she wanted to hug me or laugh at me...maybe a lil' of both I suppose. It's also quite possible she was questioning my level of sanity after such a display and was trying to keep her distance...seems I'll never really know.
She stammered, stuttered and finally got around to asking me what she needed to ask, which was: "Do you have any puppy chow we could borrow?" Idiot!! Of course I do not!! Everyone out here, including her and her friend who is my neighbor, know that I don't feed my dogs crap in a bag, processed puppy chow (we had a discussion about it just 2 days prior)! So this was all for nothing!!!!
My dreams of stardom, our entertainment for the moment, my stellar performance, and my dignity all went up in flames in an instant...and for no just cause!! What a crime!
Of course..things can't end here....I'm standing on my porch, funky boy shorts, socks that are too long, uneven pigtails and makeup, that from a distance probably made me look a cross between a clown and something that crawled out of some 1940's brothel...coupled with a wad of bloody paper towels smashed to my nose..I am quite the picture as you can probably guess....As I look past the she-man awkwardly walking away, I see my other neighbor's teenage nephew standing at the mailboxes looking at me in total bewilderment..
Yes! This is just GRAND! Let's make sure all of Noodle sees the spectacle of "Crystal, the fallen Rock Star"
Is there a moral to this long, drawn out, humiliating story?? Why yes, there is indeed! :-)
Enjoy life, have fun with your kids, and don't be afraid to act a bit goofy...But for the love of God, DO invest in a set of mini blinds to cover that damned window on the front door!! lol