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Monday, October 28, 2013

Foul Fetchings & Flashing Lights

 

flashinglightsOnce upon a time in the land of Noodleville, lived a girl who took the “just wing it approach” too many times and entered into breeding season quite unprepared.

The air grew crisp, the leaves started to fall, the does started to cycle and there was no buck to call. No rank, musky stench on the air, and this poor gal was starting to despair….

Alright y’all, poetry isn’t really my strong suit, but ya get the gist of what I was trying to say.

It’s fall, I had no buck. Well, actually, I own a Nubian buck, the uber handsome Mr. Rocco, but he didn’t have a companion, so when he entered into the “man goat” phase of his life around 6 months old, I sent him to work for a friend until I needed him…

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 Sweet baby Rocco before he turned into a “Man Goat”…

My dilemma was I needed a LAMANCHA buck, as that is my primary focus, and yet, here I sat with no earless boy to my name, and no true prospect in sight.

Just as I was getting frantically paranoid thinking of all the Numanchas I might get stuck with, along came an offer from a good friend and it was one I just couldn’t pass up.

Of course, as these things usually go, the timing was wrong, but I’m nothing if not determined, so I set out to make it happen at any cost. My dilemma was transportation. The big Ford truck had the welding rig set up on it with no room for goat hauling, and hubby’s schedule didn’t allow for him to remove it for me in a timely manner…

My car is a lil SUV… A Dodge Nitro that looks like a roller-skate.

dodgenitro

Yup.... I really was too lazy to snap a pic of my car so I stole a pic from Google…

Not an ideal animal transporter by any means, but I figured “What the heck, I’ve stuffed a goat in here before, why not do it again?”

Why not eh……? Well, I’ll answer that question for ya.

In the past, I shoved babies in crates in there and even an older doe… On tarps of course, and it worked well…. But this…. This happened to be a 3 year old, fully grown Lamancha buck, in full rut, in all his pee stained, musky glory.

Before I could ponder too hard on the ramifications of this move I was about to do, I wrapped everything in the car in tarps and took off down the road. A short 2 hours later, I arrive at Lynne’s ready to pick up Mr. Tall, Hairy & Stinky, also known as Avatar.

I hop out of the car as Lynne eyes my ride with a bit of doubt, and humorous disbelief…

“You’re going to put him in there?”

Yup…

“Will he fit?”

I can squish him if I have to… Desperation is a great motivator and I’ve worked too hard on collecting the Lamanchas I have to waste an entire year on “Numancha” mutt kids..

Lynne was kind enough to give me a tour of all her lovely animals……I may have fallen in love with a particular Alpine doe that I shouldn’t have since I’m supposed to be focusing on my Lamanchas, and I got to learn a new goatie skill as well….

I’ve been curious about trimming feet with an angle grinder, so Lynne pulled out hers and did Avatar’s feet for me before we loaded him up… Pretty spiffy, and I can’t wait to give it a go on my own…

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Dream-Fire LOX Avatar

Anywho… Now comes the loading part… Avatar is such a sweet, mellow boy…Walked right up to the car, but convincing him to hop into the confined world of plastic just wasn’t happening.

So, I grabbed a front leg, Lynne grabbed a front leg…

She then held him half way in while I went around, hung upside down over the back seat and pulled while she shoved the rear…. This lil acrobatic feat was followed by a swiftly closing door and I swear I could still hear Lynne laughing at the absurdity of the whole fiasco as I drove away with a smug look on my face.

Ok, ok… I’ll be honest… I’m not sure if I was actually wearing a “smug” look, or if my face was just contorted in disgust over the overwhelming, extremely pungent smell threatening to choke me out as I drove….… But none the less, I had a buck, a beautiful buck, with genetics I greatly admired, riding comfortably and quietly in the back of my car…

Rank smell be damned, I made it work and I was happy!!

I hit Dallas traffic at dark, trucking on along imagining what kids I’d get and what I thought they’d look like when my happy musings were interrupted by the flashing red and blues in my rear view mirror..

Well crap!

Pull over, get all the necessities gathered up and wait for the officer to approach…

The Officer peers into my window with his flashlight as I roll it down and he leans in, with partial words leaving his mouth before he interrupts himself with:

Officer: “Woah!!!!!!!...... Ma’am……. are you feeling well?!?!”

This statement was said with such genuine concern as he reeled backwards away from the pungent stench wafting from my car that I couldn’t help but to laugh…

“Yes sir officer, I’m feeling quite well, I’m just hauling a buck home and he’s a bit smelly”

Officer: “A buck??”

“Yes sir, a buck, a goat, he’s laying in the back, let me show you”

At this point, I roll down the driver side rear window and he peaks inside with his flashlight with a very doubtful look on his face…… You see, Avatar had made himself quite cozy and was laying down, out of sight, behind the seat…. You could just tell by the look on the poor officer’s face that he was highly doubting my sanity…. Not to mention he was wondering what awful medical condition I was suffering from to be emitting such a horrible smell and making up weird stories…

Just as the kind officer was about to question me, Avatar popped his stinky, earless head in all its golden bearded glory over the seat and said “Ehh-ehh-ehh”

Avatarsmile

I think Avatar has a sense of humor….lol

The startled officer jumped back and exclaimed “Holy crap, what the hell is that?!?!” as he eased in slowly for another look..

“I told you, it’s a buck, a goat, a Lamancha, I’m taking him home to breed my does”

Officer: “I’m sorry ma’am, that’s no goat, THAT looks like something off of Star Wars!”

avatarblog1 avatarhead1

To be fair, I GET the comparison he was trying to make, though it is a Stargate the movie creature he was thinking of, and not a Star Wars creature…. Of course Avatar is pretty, while the creature is quite hideous and only shares a vague resemblance..

He stares… looks at me, takes another look at Avatar, and while keeping his eye on Avatar, he ask me for my DL and insurance…. I couldn’t help but wonder if he was afraid the smelly beast would jump out and get him or what, but his reaction was absolutely priceless.

As he heads back to his car with my info, it dawned on me that throughout this entire exchange, I still had no clue why I was being pulled over…. Apparently the same thought dawned on him once he was away from Avatar, and so he returned my stuff and got down to business..

Officer: “Ma’am, are you aware that your insurance and DL have different addresses?”

“Yes sir, I just moved not too long ago and keep forgetting to change the address on my DL..”

Officer: “Your DL says “Noodle”…. I’ve never heard of it? That even a real town?”

“Well of course it’s a real town! I used to live there, you can Google it, and just to let you know how bonafide legit this town is, there’s even a blog about it online!”

Officer: “Who on earth would blog about a town called Noodle?”

“Me of course”

To this he laughs and says “Ok, ok, how to do I find this blog about this town of Noodle?”

So, I write down the address on the back of an old receipt and hand it to him…

Officer: “BTW- Did you know you were speeding? That’s why I pulled you over this evening.”

“No sir officer, I was not aware I was speeding… But I gotta ask you something….”

Officer: “What’s that?”

“Wouldn’t you be speeding too if you were locked up with this stench?!?!?!”

To this his busted out laughing and said: “Why yes ma’am, I do believe I would! I’ll give you this warning if you promise to watch your speed for the rest of the trip home, perhaps try cracking a window so you can survive and drive the speed limit…”

I thanked him, an Officer Daniels according to the written warning I received, and as a parting salute I told him to watch my blog as he was about to become a famous feature here at “The Adventures of Noodleville”.

As a farewell greeting he said: “You know, I’ve been a cop for the last 9 years, and I have to say this takes the cake for the weirdest traffic stop I’ve ever made, thanks for the laugh Noodle”

Hahahahahahahahahahaha!

Happy to oblige Officer Daniels, and thanks so much for not making this foul fetching an expensive endeavor by adding a speeding ticket to it!

Now that you know the story of his arrival, I must gush a lil about this handsome boy! I wish I had got him earlier so I could clip him and show him off in his pretty clothes, but the weather is getting a bit chilly, so you’ll have to settle for shaggy, rutty buck pictures instead.

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Dream-Fire LOX Avatar

He is SO SWEET and easy to handle….. I’ve never met a buck with a more laid back disposition. His first night here, he busted out, got in with the does, and bred Rosie, a NUBAIN……..but even that lil stunt couldn’t make me mad at this sweet boy. The following day (October 13th) he also bred Mocha, Tori, Tricks and Bleuberry (the Alpine). So he wasted no time getting to work and made the rounds tagging at least one doe from every breed I own… Not exactly thrilled with that, but I’m flexible and can work around it, so no worries.

rosieavatar

Avatar & Rosie enjoying a bit of inter-breed, forbidden love….

Most of my Lamanchas have quite a bit of South Fork in them…… I love their animals, and Mr. Avatar just so happens to have a bit of South-Fork in his family tree too….. Here’s a lil picture pedigree for this handsome boy. His dam is the very lovely South-Fork Sweet Xcite, and if ya can believe it, she’s even prettier in person.

 

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                                                                                     Avatar’s Grandsire: Altrese Almost Legal

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                                            Avatar’s Dam: South-Fork Sweet Xcite

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                                                   Avatar’s Maternal Granddam: GCH South Fork TT Sweet Treat

 

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                                                                             Avatar’s grandsire: Kastdemur’s Twist of Fate

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        Avatar’s sire: *B Little Orchard TF Xavier

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                                                                Avatar’s paternal granddam: GCH Little Orchard BR Pia

I am just smitten with this boy… I really think he’ll compliment my girls nicely and am so excited by the possible improvements he’ll bring to my herd. Thanks so much Lynne for trusting this handsome boy into my care!

Five months is such a long, long wait….Cross your fingers and hope for golden lil doelings for me!

Can. Not. Wait. For. Kidding. Season! Winking smile

47 comments:

Anonymous said...

ROFL!!!!!! That is hilarious!! im in tears!

Anonymous said...

Your begining poem is priceless. lol This story made my day. Poor officer daniels, lol

Carolyn said...

Most definitely a Noodleville worthy blog post.

Unknown said...

“Woah!!!!!!!...... Ma’am……. are you feeling well?!?!”

Bahahaha! No, I'm afraid I have buckstencheritis. It's a terrible gastrointestinal disease :(

Casper's Kid said...

Love it! Thank you for another much needed laugh.
Avatar is quite the catch, I can't wait to see kid pics this spring.
But I have to say I am a bit disappointed that you didn't get the nice officer to pose for a pic with Avatar!

Casper's Kid said...

Thanks again for another much needed laugh!
Avatar is quite the catch, I can't wait to see kid pics this spring!
I have to admit that I am a bit disappointed that the nice officer didn't pose for a pic with Avatar :)

AGK said...

That is EXACTLY what I said about Emily's (Ozark Jewels) LaMancha buck who was bred to my first LaMancha doe. STAR WARS!!!

Gotta love the Wookie bucks.

Minelson said...

What a GREAT story!!! Love it and especially love Avatar! He is so handsome :)

Morninglorygoatfarm said...

The absolute best part of this story is that Crystal and I were on the phone right after it happened. We were DYING and almost POP (pee our pants) over the whole episode. HILARIOUS and no one tells it better!

Anonymous said...

I'm British but we have done exactly the same thing in the past and my hubby and I were laughing our heads off at this story because we knew it so well.
Thanks for making my day!
Sandra :)

* Crystal * said...

Happy to have made your day :) Thanks!

* Crystal * said...

Thanks so much Carolyn :)

* Crystal * said...

"Buckstencheritis" -ROFL!!! That is awesome!!!!!!!!

* Crystal * said...

That would have been perfect if I could have got Officer Daniels to pose with Avatar!!

No worries, I'll have lots of kid pics to share! I'm so excited!! :)

* Crystal * said...

Wookie bucks!! Bwahaha!!! Love it!! Honestly I never saw it until Officer Daniels pointed it out, and now I just crack up every time I look at Avatar :p lol

* Crystal * said...

Awwwww! Thanks Minn!! :) He's such a SWEET boy too....Never pushy and he talks in this lil baby voice that just melts ya...He's a gem! :)

* Crystal * said...

lol was a great trip eh Patty??! lol I could hardly tell Lynne about it after I got home because every time I pictured Officer Daniels face as he said "Are you feeling well??!!" I'd crack up laughing and have to start all over....Truly, words can not fully express how funny his expression was :p

* Crystal * said...

Hi Sandra!! Thanks for stopping by to comment :) So happy to hear that even folks across the pond can relate to this smelly ordeal, lol

Anonymous said...

Oh my gosh! THANK YOU for making me laugh so hard this morning! What a great way to start the day - BTW, I was laughing WITH YOU, not AT you. I've been in a similar small SUV with a buck in back for MANY miles! It is an experience... :D

- Kristie
www.landofhavilahfarm.com

Michelle said...

Well, Crystal, you've done it again. I just blew hot peppermint tea out of my nose!!! Thanks!

Congrats on your new boy. He is absolutely beautiful. :-)

Sandra Hess said...

so funeee-hehehahaaa! What can I say, but, "Thank you"!

It is way -to -easy to understand your transportation decision!

Sandra

Jo said...

Wow. I thought I had some good goat stories, but you are a very brave, if not a little crazy woman to put a buck in your car. Can you still smell him in there? lol

Winona said...

I love this story. You had me practically spitting my tea all over the laptop screen. LOL Did you ever get the stench out of your SUV? Those bucks can be pretty potent. LOL I look forward to seeing pictures of Avatar's kids. He is a handsome guy. :)

Wendy said...

I laughed so hard I couldn't keep reading, had to have my daughter read it out loud! Probably what made it worse is that this could have been me - that is TOTALLY how I do this, jump first, deal with it later - but not a stinking buck for 2 hours! Glad you survived!

Leigh said...

Crystal, you are hilarious! You brighten anybody's day, LOL.

Avatar is a real looker, so handsome! You are going to have some gorgeous kids come spring.

* Crystal * said...

lol thanks Katie, so happy you could laugh with me on this one :) BTW- Loved your website! :)

* Crystal * said...

Hahaha!!! Sorry about the morning nasal-tea combo :p And thank you! I'm so happy with Avatar, can't wait to bombard all of y'all with baby pics! :)

* Crystal * said...

lol You're welcome Sandra, and thanks so much for stopping by to comment :)

* Crystal * said...

LOL yea, perhaps a lil crazy, but gosh darn it, I needed a buck! haha Surprisingly, no, you can't smell him. I literally duct taped tarps EVERYWHERE....Even to the ceiling :p

* Crystal * said...

Uh oh Winona! lol hope your laptop survived the tea shower! lol Yes, I got it all out I think....I had everything duct taped with tarps, even the ceiling....But the door handles, gear shifter and steering wheel took a lot of scrubbing because I touched them after I had grabbed Avatar's front leg to shove him in..... Sometimes while driving I think I catch a whiff of buck....But part of me wonders if that's just remnants of the funk wafting in from my memory... :)

* Crystal * said...

Stinking buck, 2 hours, and I could only barely crack the window because if I rolled it down too far, the wind whipped at my ceiling tarps I had taped up :p I truly think that trip damaged my sense of smell....It hasnt been nearly as keen ever since :) But hey, I'll have pretty babies out of the ordeal, so it's all good :) Who needs a sense of smell anyways :p!

* Crystal * said...

Awwww! Thanks Leigh! Had fun playing catch up on your blog yesterday.... The alien squash circles had me giggling :) :)

Ohiofarmgirl said...

many many people forwarded this post to me. i think we were meant to be friends....you can see from my post here:
http://adventuresinthegoodland.blogspot.com/2011/04/how-to-become-famous-in-small-town-part.html

plz tell me you are on 'the facebook'? you can find me here:
https://www.facebook.com/ohio.farmgirl.1

ps we had an even uglier la mancha buck. we called him SnaggleTooth.

* Crystal * said...

Yes ma'am, I'm on FB..Sent you a message there, might need to check your "other" folder there :)

Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to comment and share your blog....Headed there now to check it out :)

Anonymous said...

THIS is hilarious! I was once stopped in a traffic situation by officers due to downed power lines--- while carting a carcass of a necropsy goat back to my farm to bury.... tarp in the back.... suspicious looking fluids.... you get the idea. I love this! Ah, what we do for goats.

Anonymous said...

I used to take my Kinder goats out to urban and suburban brushing jobs....in the back of a Subaru station wagon. With the back seat down, my fine buck and his two does fit just fine as long as they were lying down.
My buck is very social and sweet, and he loves car rides. We were doing this in the summer, so we'd roll the windows down to help keep them cool...and he would carefully tip and tuck his head to thread his impressive horns (that go up, back, out and sweep forward; he looks like artists draw goats) through the rear driver's side window when we were going slowly through downtown Portland, OR and ride with his head sticking out of the window like a dog.
It was maybe the third time we hit a stop light, and yet another car in the lane next to us rolled down their windows, leaned out and asked excitedly, "IS THAT A GOAT?!?!" that I calmly replied, "No...." The light changed, we drove off---leaving the questioners sitting in the intersection with their hanging open.
Heh....

* Crystal * said...

Bwahaha!!! Well, at least it didn't look like I was carrying around a murder victim! :)

* Crystal * said...

"No...." lol, love it!!!! :)

Officer Daniels said...

Hello Miss Noodle! "Officer Daniels" here and I thought you were joking when you said you wanted to make me famous! LMAO!! My wife found this and says I told the story all wrong and that this was the funniest thing she has ever read. She was coughing crying and laughing so hard I thought something was wrong with her and then I stood there staring at her screen and couldnt sop laughing myself! I have never been around goats, but I am happy to see you are so pleased with your stinky thing. He doesn't look as strange standing in the grass as he did hanging his face over that seat. Thank you for my first claim to fame and the strange traffic stop and the good laugh. I'll be a regular reader from now on. Dont forget to get that address on your license fixed soon and drive the speed limit. You might not have a goat and an interesting story to get you out of your next ticket! LOL

-Sincerely
A now famous Officer Daniels who is very thankful to be far from that smell.

Amelia said...

ROFL!!!!!!! CRYSTAL!! This was freaking hysterical!!! And look at the comment above me!!! hahahahaha I can not believe your cop actually read this and commented!!!! rofl! You go girl!

Caliann said...

Officer Daniels, so happy you chimed in!

Goat people are more than a bit crazy, and if you can imagine Crystal's stop happening while she was driving a Geo Metro, with TWO bucks in it (One in the back seat, one in the passenger seat), then it could have been me you were stopping a couple years back. :D

Uhhh, yeah, goat folks are not always "all there".

HarleyridingLady said...

God Bless you Officer Daniels! I wonder if you would have been just as understanding of me going 90mph down 11 with the buck I had in the back of my Scion. LMAO!

* Crystal * said...

Officer Daniels, you rock! Thanks so much for stopping by to comment! :) So happy you and your wife enjoyed the blog & thanks again for letting me off with a warning ;)

Do stick around as a regular reader, ya never know what the next adventure in Noodleville is gonna be :)

Oh & enjoy your new found fame! You're the goat worlds new favorite cop (well.... probably the only favorite cop, celebrity officers aren't common in the goaty world I don't think....) Just stay grounded and don't let it go to your head! haha ;)

Oh, and seriously, thanks for keeping that ticket book stashed away :)

Leigh said...

Crystal! I have to say I so enjoyed reading this post again. We need an update as to how Avatar and your girls are doing!

Anyway, I stopped by because I'm excited about publishing my very own homesteading book! Do drop by my blog if you get a chance, to help me celebrate.:)

Glenna Roberts said...

Whahahahaah I think that about covers it.
Had a similar reaction to goats in my covered topper truck. I had 2 bucks and a milking doe, not bred in my truck taking a 3 hour drive home. I had the bucks covered in vicks vapor rub so they wouldn't smell the doe riding with them. The drive through at McDonald's caused quite a stir. They were all screaming rather loudly and could be heard over the drive thru speaker during out order. They forgot to turn off the speaker after the order and we could hear them whispering inside about what horrible noises were coming from the drive thru. It sounded like half a dozen woman freaking out, they were not going to go out the back door to look. They finally sent out a hispanic man to check the backed up drive thru.
We, mean while were laughing so hard we were crying. I had to primise that I would pull over to let the inside help have a look. I opened the back truck window and the smell wafting out of the truck had everyone slapping their hand over their mouth. Vicks vapor rub and buck uring is a heady combination. Yes, it does work she was not bred on the way home.

Anonymous said...

I knew you were an alien :) well written.

Joshua & Carrie Briggs said...

That is a GREAT story! So, the real question is, how many doelings did Avatar provide?