Foul Fetchings & Flashing Lights

 

Once upon a time in the land of Noodleville, lived a girl who took the “just wing it approach” too many times and entered into breeding season quite unprepared.

The air grew crisp, the leaves started to fall, the does started to cycle and there was no buck to call. No rank, musky stench on the air, and this poor gal was starting to despair….

Alright y’all, poetry isn’t really my strong suit, but ya get the gist of what I was trying to say.

It’s fall, I had no buck. Well, actually, I own a Nubian buck, the uber handsome Mr. Rocco, but he didn’t have a companion, so when he entered into the “man goat” phase of his life around 6 months old, I sent him to work for a friend until I needed him…

  

 Sweet baby Rocco before he turned into a “Man Goat”…

My dilemma was I needed a LAMANCHA buck, as that is my primary focus, and yet, here I sat with no earless boy to my name, and no true prospect in sight.

Just as I was getting frantically paranoid thinking of all the Numanchas I might get stuck with, along came an offer from a good friend and it was one I just couldn’t pass up.

Of course, as these things usually go, the timing was wrong, but I’m nothing if not determined, so I set out to make it happen at any cost. My dilemma was transportation. The big Ford truck had the welding rig set up on it with no room for goat hauling, and hubby’s schedule didn’t allow for him to remove it for me in a timely manner…

My car is a lil SUV… A Dodge Nitro that looks like a roller-skate.

Yup.... I really was too lazy to snap a pic of my car so I stole a pic from Google…

Not an ideal animal transporter by any means, but I figured “What the heck, I’ve stuffed a goat in here before, why not do it again?”

Why not eh……? Well, I’ll answer that question for ya.

In the past, I shoved babies in crates in there and even an older doe… On tarps of course, and it worked well…. But this…. This happened to be a 3 year old, fully grown Lamancha buck, in full rut, in all his pee stained, musky glory.

Before I could ponder too hard on the ramifications of this move I was about to do, I wrapped everything in the car in tarps and took off down the road. A short 2 hours later, I arrive at Lynne’s ready to pick up Mr. Tall, Hairy & Stinky, also known as Avatar.

I hop out of the car as Lynne eyes my ride with a bit of doubt, and humorous disbelief…

“You’re going to put him in there?”

Yup…

“Will he fit?”

I can squish him if I have to… Desperation is a great motivator and I’ve worked too hard on collecting the Lamanchas I have to waste an entire year on “Numancha” mutt kids..

Lynne was kind enough to give me a tour of all her lovely animals……I may have fallen in love with a particular Alpine doe that I shouldn’t have since I’m supposed to be focusing on my Lamanchas, and I got to learn a new goatie skill as well….

I’ve been curious about trimming feet with an angle grinder, so Lynne pulled out hers and did Avatar’s feet for me before we loaded him up… Pretty spiffy, and I can’t wait to give it a go on my own…

Dream-Fire LOX Avatar

Anywho… Now comes the loading part… Avatar is such a sweet, mellow boy…Walked right up to the car, but convincing him to hop into the confined world of plastic just wasn’t happening.

So, I grabbed a front leg, Lynne grabbed a front leg…

She then held him half way in while I went around, hung upside down over the back seat and pulled while she shoved the rear…. This lil acrobatic feat was followed by a swiftly closing door and I swear I could still hear Lynne laughing at the absurdity of the whole fiasco as I drove away with a smug look on my face.

Ok, ok… I’ll be honest… I’m not sure if I was actually wearing a “smug” look, or if my face was just contorted in disgust over the overwhelming, extremely pungent smell threatening to choke me out as I drove….… But none the less, I had a buck, a beautiful buck, with genetics I greatly admired, riding comfortably and quietly in the back of my car…

Rank smell be damned, I made it work and I was happy!!

I hit Dallas traffic at dark, trucking on along imagining what kids I’d get and what I thought they’d look like when my happy musings were interrupted by the flashing red and blues in my rear view mirror..

Well crap!

Pull over, get all the necessities gathered up and wait for the officer to approach…

The Officer peers into my window with his flashlight as I roll it down and he leans in, with partial words leaving his mouth before he interrupts himself with:

Officer: “Woah!!!!!!!...... Ma’am……. are you feeling well?!?!”

This statement was said with such genuine concern as he reeled backwards away from the pungent stench wafting from my car that I couldn’t help but to laugh…

“Yes sir officer, I’m feeling quite well, I’m just hauling a buck home and he’s a bit smelly”

Officer: “A buck??”

“Yes sir, a buck, a goat, he’s laying in the back, let me show you”

At this point, I roll down the driver side rear window and he peaks inside with his flashlight with a very doubtful look on his face…… You see, Avatar had made himself quite cozy and was laying down, out of sight, behind the seat…. You could just tell by the look on the poor officer’s face that he was highly doubting my sanity…. Not to mention he was wondering what awful medical condition I was suffering from to be emitting such a horrible smell and making up weird stories…

Just as the kind officer was about to question me, Avatar popped his stinky, earless head in all its golden bearded glory over the seat and said “Ehh-ehh-ehh”

I think Avatar has a sense of humor….lol

The startled officer jumped back and exclaimed “Holy crap, what the hell is that?!?!” as he eased in slowly for another look..

“I told you, it’s a buck, a goat, a Lamancha, I’m taking him home to breed my does”

Officer: “I’m sorry ma’am, that’s no goat, THAT looks like something off of Star Wars!”

 

To be fair, I GET the comparison he was trying to make, though it is a Stargate the movie creature he was thinking of, and not a Star Wars creature…. Of course Avatar is pretty, while the creature is quite hideous and only shares a vague resemblance..

He stares… looks at me, takes another look at Avatar, and while keeping his eye on Avatar, he ask me for my DL and insurance…. I couldn’t help but wonder if he was afraid the smelly beast would jump out and get him or what, but his reaction was absolutely priceless.

As he heads back to his car with my info, it dawned on me that throughout this entire exchange, I still had no clue why I was being pulled over…. Apparently the same thought dawned on him once he was away from Avatar, and so he returned my stuff and got down to business..

Officer: “Ma’am, are you aware that your insurance and DL have different addresses?”

“Yes sir, I just moved not too long ago and keep forgetting to change the address on my DL..”

Officer: “Your DL says “Noodle”…. I’ve never heard of it? That even a real town?”

“Well of course it’s a real town! I used to live there, you can Google it, and just to let you know how bonafide legit this town is, there’s even a blog about it online!”

Officer: “Who on earth would blog about a town called Noodle?”

“Me of course”

To this he laughs and says “Ok, ok, how to do I find this blog about this town of Noodle?”

So, I write down the address on the back of an old receipt and hand it to him…

Officer: “BTW- Did you know you were speeding? That’s why I pulled you over this evening.”

“No sir officer, I was not aware I was speeding… But I gotta ask you something….”

Officer: “What’s that?”

“Wouldn’t you be speeding too if you were locked up with this stench?!?!?!”

To this his busted out laughing and said: “Why yes ma’am, I do believe I would! I’ll give you this warning if you promise to watch your speed for the rest of the trip home, perhaps try cracking a window so you can survive and drive the speed limit…”

I thanked him, an Officer Daniels according to the written warning I received, and as a parting salute I told him to watch my blog as he was about to become a famous feature here at “The Adventures of Noodleville”.

As a farewell greeting he said: “You know, I’ve been a cop for the last 9 years, and I have to say this takes the cake for the weirdest traffic stop I’ve ever made, thanks for the laugh Noodle”

Hahahahahahahahahahaha!

Happy to oblige Officer Daniels, and thanks so much for not making this foul fetching an expensive endeavor by adding a speeding ticket to it!

Now that you know the story of his arrival, I must gush a lil about this handsome boy! I wish I had got him earlier so I could clip him and show him off in his pretty clothes, but the weather is getting a bit chilly, so you’ll have to settle for shaggy, rutty buck pictures instead.

Dream-Fire LOX Avatar

He is SO SWEET and easy to handle….. I’ve never met a buck with a more laid back disposition. His first night here, he busted out, got in with the does, and bred Rosie, a NUBAIN……..but even that lil stunt couldn’t make me mad at this sweet boy. The following day (October 13th) he also bred Mocha, Tori, Tricks and Bleuberry (the Alpine). So he wasted no time getting to work and made the rounds tagging at least one doe from every breed I own… Not exactly thrilled with that, but I’m flexible and can work around it, so no worries.

Avatar & Rosie enjoying a bit of inter-breed, forbidden love….

Most of my Lamanchas have quite a bit of South Fork in them…… I love their animals, and Mr. Avatar just so happens to have a bit of South-Fork in his family tree too….. Here’s a lil picture pedigree for this handsome boy. His dam is the very lovely South-Fork Sweet Xcite, and if ya can believe it, she’s even prettier in person.

 

                                                                                                 

                                                                                     Avatar’s Grandsire: Altrese Almost Legal

       

                                            Avatar’s Dam: South-Fork Sweet Xcite

                                                                                              

                                                   Avatar’s Maternal Granddam: GCH South Fork TT Sweet Treat

 

                                                                                             

                                                                             Avatar’s grandsire: Kastdemur’s Twist of Fate

       

        Avatar’s sire: *B Little Orchard TF Xavier

                                                                                               

                                                                Avatar’s paternal granddam: GCH Little Orchard BR Pia

I am just smitten with this boy… I really think he’ll compliment my girls nicely and am so excited by the possible improvements he’ll bring to my herd. Thanks so much Lynne for trusting this handsome boy into my care!

Five months is such a long, long wait….Cross your fingers and hope for golden lil doelings for me!

Can. Not. Wait. For. Kidding. Season!

A Noodleville Bloody Battle of Wills

I’m naturally a stubborn person. Persistence is my middle name and I’ll usually stick with it until I accomplish my goal or until it becomes glaringly obvious that persistence is futile.

I really hate to confess that I may have met my match. Worse yet, standing so stubbornly against me is a goat.

This goat to be exact... Don't let that sweet, happy face fool ya....

That would be Bleuberry of course. She is a 1st freshener this year and our milk stand mambo every morning is getting old.

In the beginning I tried cutting her some slack… After all she had a rough kidding (mentioned here) and if you recall, she had a nasty leg injury a while back… Well I thought the multiple doctoring that injury required (all done on the stand) may have made her a lil wary of it.... So I tried very hard to be sympathetic...

We had a back breaking routine every morning……. She walks peacefully up to the stand, I break out the treats and try to coax her on. After failed bribery, I pick up her front end, place it on the stand, and pull her forward by her collar so she can’t back off. At the same time, I reach back with my other hand and try to grab a hind leg & heave her forward. Every day. Twice a day, this same old routine.

Bleuberry is not a small goat.

I am not a very strong person.

This game is no longer fun.

My sympathy and understanding are rapidly deteriorating.

This morning in particular I was up late the night before, didn’t sleep well, then my alarm didn’t go off so everything was a bit hectic. To say I was NOT in the mood for her nonsense is an understatement.

Our battle was more dramatic than usual… she finally figured out my trick and kept backing off the stand before I could grab a back leg, so it took several tries. Then she decided to do the jitter bug on the stand, spilling most of the milk and even splashing me with some. Since she can NOT win this, I ended up milking quite a bit on to the barn floor while she danced, hopped and snorted at me.

This is great because she finally got the hint that I will continue to milk, regardless of her actions. This is not great, because I would have to come out later and clean the barn floor so the milk wouldn’t sit and attract flies.

I finish up and I’m wearing more milk than I thought was possible.. My jeans are soaked and thanks to the holes in my jeans, I can even feel lil puddles of milk inside of my right boot!!!

Unreal!

Given how much I’m wearing, I’m assuming her production is decent… But I can’t say for sure because I haven’t got a full milking inside to weigh yet…… I grit my teeth, talk sweetly and give Bleuberry her customary treat for finally standing still. I was about to turn her loose when I realized I forgot to spray her teats.

In the beginning she was really fussy about the after milking spray. I use Fight Bac spray, and it’s a bit cold, so it took her some getting used to, but the past few days she’s not even flinched when I’ve sprayed her.

I walk around behind her, let her know I’m there, and hold one side so I can spray it well. Then move on to the next one…..

Then WHAM!

Before I even did the second spray, and without a bit of warning, she mule kicks me square in the face!

I really freaked because I thought she broke my nose and there was blood spraying everywhere. It is really quite amazing the amount of blood that can come from a nose.

I swear to you she purposely lulled me into a false sense of security and had this attack planned the entire time!

I don’t have anything but my barn towels to hold on my nose and I just bought new ones so I didn’t want to stain them up with blood. Since the entire front of my shirt was covered in blood anyways, I just held my shirt up to it, sprayed her teat and let her sit on the stand while I leaned against the fence holding my injured nose.

Called the barn cats up to finish what little milk actually made it into the bucket, & glared at Bleuberry the entire time I waited for the throbbing to subside and the blood to stop pouring.

On my trek back to the house, I fancy I might have looked like one of those action heros after the grand finale in a top notch action movie…

Ya know, like Bruce Willis dashing away from an explosion or something. Bloody, beat up, but triumphant...



Ok, ok.. Perhaps my slow trek back to the house wasn't THAT dramatic..

 There were no cool explosions behind me as a back drop, but still, the milk soaked clothes and blood EVERYWHERE looked pretty darn dramatic as I trudged back up to the house. Would have been even cooler if I were toting a weapon, or someone I rescued, instead of my milking caddy, but you work with what you have.

Whatever the image, I do know, without a doubt, that it was shocking, or perhaps “disturbing“ is a better word for it…….

Hair disheveled. Covered in sweat, milk soaked jeans, blood down the front of my shirt, a bit of blood smeared on my cheek & chin and strangely I had a good bit on my arm too….

This is the lovely image the Fedex man saw as I met him at the porch. His expression as he took me in was worth a thousand words. I really must start toting a camera just to capture these moments...

He asked if the name on the package was correct, did his lil' scanner thing, and warily asked if I was ok.

My uber cheerful reply?

“Oh sure.. I’m great! Just finished milking a goat…This weather is just fabulous, don’t ya think??? How are you doing today?”

His facial expression after that comment was far better than the first. The beaming smile and overly cheerful tone were a stark contrast to my bloodied appearance....

It took all I had not to giggle manically at him. Though now that I think of it, maybe I should have…. Would have been funny…

He wished me a speedy “Good Day” and was on his merry, wary way.

Poor guy, probably wondering how that much blood was involved in goat milking.....

Granted I *could* have explained myself better, but vague answers get much funnier reactions, and after my morning, a laugh at the expense of another was well earned. At least he did not get stuck in the situation I put the UPS MAN in a while back… That was a bit more awkward…. lol I really must make a note to try harder not to disturb, embarass or upset those who deliver my packages....

ANYWHO, looky what was in my package!!

Goat goodies! Dewormers, nipples & tubing so I can build a lambar feeder, needles, Fight Bac, syringes (much cheaper to buy in bulk online that to purchase from TSC), more dairy sanitizing products, new filters for my stainless steel strainer, coccidia meds, a new weight tape since Jasper ate mine, CIDR applicator, and some products for my momma too.

As a side note, for the evening milking, I told Bleuberry that there was NO way we were repeating this morning’s fiasco. She could cooperate and get treats, or I’d sell her for dog food. But one way or another, I was done, done, done with the drama, and all my understanding and patience went right out the door the moment she busted my nose.

She glared at me, ears back and stood right behind the stand. I held out a treat and calmly let her know this was her final chance to hop up unassisted......

After a minute of contemplating, she, for the very 1st time, 12 days after freshening and 25 back breaking, individual battles later, jumped up on the stand all by herself!!

Dunno if it was my tone of voice, or if she just sensed that I was finished, but either way, I’m thrilled…..

Persistence does pay off my friends…. Especially when it’s accompanied by a few threats.

-C.W

Sprays of Urine, Home Grown Gossamers & The Sunscreen

Once again I had one of “those days“…the exact kind of day that inspired my “Noodleville Adventures” almost 5 years ago…

Start off… Jerimiah got a very last minute, once in a life time opportunity to go on an elk hunt (and fly by private jet!) on a 42,000 acre ranch in Oregon and on my “To-Do” list that day was to finish up a bit of his laundry so he‘d be set to go.

I needed some help getting the buck's feet trimmed (the boys are in rut aren’t exactly easy to work with alone sometimes) so my mom agreed to come & stay for a few days while Jerimiah was away….. Which meant I needed to tidy up the house a bit…

So my “To-Do” list consisted of a quick bank trip, laundry, wishing for Mr. Clean to appear in my house, picking up the kids, homework, then shower & get the kids ready to go out to dinner with my father in law before he & my hubby left for their elk hunting trip the next morning…

Simple, uneventful plans.

Why oh why could it not be as simple as it sounds on paper?

What actually happened was this:

First Casper, one of my Lamancha girls (the wild one) escaped…My fault, I left a perfect step stool for her next to the fence and she happily went right over… She’s in season, been screaming like a lunatic and I’m keeping her from the boys (don’t want her bred yet)….

Anywho…she takes off and heads down the road. She won’t come to me and I surely can’t chase her… Finally took her sister, Comanche, out on a lead to entice her to come… Comanche acted as if me leading her down the road was some form of torture & did not do anything to make the task easier…. Long story short, almost 3 hours later I had Casper & Comanche safely contained once more. Though part of this trek included me carrying one idiot goat while dragging the other one…. Of course it was up a freaking hill too….

This put me behind on my chores quite a bit… Made a mad dash to the bank….Some bank error was going on……..showing the wrong name on my account… Took 30 minutes to fix it… A very quick trip turned into an hour & a half of time wasted (drive time wrapped up in that).

Finally get home to start cleaning…. Got the dishes done & glanced at the kitchen clock..

OMG! OMG! I’m late to get the kids!! How on earth could I be late to get the kids? I’m NEVER late!!!!!

Rush as fast as possible watching storm clouds roll in along the way…

Sit in the parking lot for 15 minutes before I realize that I did not adjust my kitchen clock and I’m in fact early…really early.

If I find whoever invented Daylight Savings Time, I’ll happily kick the fool right in the gut!!

Do I wait? Or do I go home? Contemplated waiting, but the storm clouds looked like a nasty one, so I decided to rush home, open the barn for the boys & get my round bale of hay covered & protected from the rain…

Lots of wasted time, wasted fuel, aggravation & I’m home with the kiddos, the clouds blew away, no rain, no noticeable house work done & I don’t have much time to get homework done & get ready to go out to dinner.

This my friends is where it all goes to hell.

I set the kids to their homework & go out to take care of the critters before dressing for dinner..

The feeder in the boys pen was broke…bent to fix it and in the process Sam decided to perfume himself… Hitting me with a steady, strong stream of urine in the process!! Hits my hair, shoulders and I feel this sickening warmth run right down my spine….

Stupid, stinking, nasty goat bastard!!!!!!

So now of course I have to wash my hair! I have longish hair, very thick, prone to messy waves & frizz…..it’s not easy to make it look civilized …It requires a flat iron to tame the masses. Flat ironing it takes forever.

Woo freaking hoo! As if I needed another thing to eat up my time, which at this point I no longer have any time to waste.

In the shower I hurry… in my rush I grabbed a bottle of water proof sunscreen instead of conditioner. Don’t ask me why it was sitting on the side of the tub…despite questioning, no one in the house knows how or why it was sitting there….

I’m slick & oily as a duck who waddled around in a tar pit.….three shampoos later & I still can’t get the damn sunscreen out…. My hair feels NASTY…can’t even run my fingers through it. I hop out of the shower & head for the kitchen for the Dawn dish soap…. You see those commercials of once oil slicked wild life happily restored thanks to Dawn… Had the images of adorable lil critters going through my head as I lathered up….

If you ever run a ginormous handful of waterproof sunscreen through your hair, Dawn is your ticket to clean hair…just FYI. Though you will be forced to deal with a dry, itchy scalp later… Cute lil critters don’t have that disclaimer on the stupid commercials!

I quickly check the kids homework & send them off to change out of their dirty school clothes while I tackle blow drying (I do so loathe the blow dryer & I’m really ticked at being forced to use the hand held cooking device!)….

Hair dried and doing it’s best to look like something off an awful hair band album cover… I really considered throwing it in a pony tail and putting on a ball cap…. But when I do that I look like a truck driver of an undetermined gender…. The look doesn’t flatter me at all so I decide I’ll flat iron just the front pieces and the top layer so it at least looks tame… I’m loving this plan and my hair actually looks ok.. Not great, but much better than looking like a gender confused truck driver.

Out to check on the kids….. Clayton changed his shirt….. then crawled under the porch to fetch a hidden egg & had what look suspiciously like chicken poop on his fresh shirt…

Shayla....my dear, sweet Shayla was in her freaking Halloween costume!!!!

God why?!?!?!?!!?

I tell them both to just put their school clothes back on and wash their hands & face & go to get myself dressed.

Had a cute grey sleeveless top picked out to go with one of my few pairs of jeans that aren’t stained and ruined by mystery substances & possible unmentionables.

Oh, it actually looks semi cute!!
Oh wait!!
What’s that??

Oh, it’s only an armpit pelt!!

Damn it all to bloody hell!!!

In my frenzy to get the sunscreen out of my hair, I forgot to shave!!!! I’m sure my inlaws don’t want to sneak a peak at the armpit Gossamers I’ve been growing so I need a different shirt…. I don’t care that it was in the low 80’s… I found a blessedly clean long sleeve t-shirt & that’s what I wore…
Get everyone in the car & on the road I start to breathe again. I think:

“It’s all okay….mom changed my diapers, she’ll forgive the messy house”


”We’re only going out to a casual Mexican joint so the kids in school clothes is okay, even if they are a lil dirty from the play ground”


“My father in law isn’t picking up Jerimiah until tomorrow morning, so I have time to finish up the rest of his laundry tonight..”

Then the call comes…. Hubby letting me know that they are leaving after dinner instead of the following morning!!

Ok, I almost panic (I like everything planned & scheduled…deviations of any sort make me panic, no matter how trivial the deviation is, stupid yes, but it‘s one of my many character flaws)….. Instead I hit an ATM, get cash so hubby can buy a pack of socks (all the whites were in the washer…..no time to dry them) and meet my father in law, sister in law, her fella and all the munchkins for dinner.

Had a pleasant dinner, all went well, company was good, food was good..

Once the kiddos were in bed, hubby was on the road & I was sitting with mom watching TV I felt my sanity slowly, but surely seep back into me.
Yes, I had to chase, carry & threatened escapee goats, I wasted gobs of fuel & time running all over the place. I accomplished nothing on my to do list…

I suffered urine in my hair, on my skin and on my clothes…

I had a frustrating battle with various sudsy products in the shower trying to remove an impenetrable film of hair matting ick…
And yet, I made it to dinner, EARLY & civilized looking……even if I did have two lil Gossamers growing under my shirt!



Yea, that’s just the way I roll… I’m kind of awesome like that sometimes.