Sunday, December 4, 2011

The Sufferings of a Mother

I adore my kids….. There were times I worried we had kids too early, or had moments of sheer terror thinking I was not ready for such an immense task, but if I could go back in time, I wouldn’t change a thing.

I may be biased, but I do believe I have some of the most well behaved kids…..Never prone to tantrums, always great students, respectful and most importantly they care about other people.

They don’t avoid temper tantrums because they fear retribution, they avoid them because they know how it would make ME feel..

To have children their ages (6 & 8) with a genuine care for those around them and how their actions could affect others makes me proud beyond words…. Sure they have their typical kid moments, but those moments are never severe and pass quickly.

Shayla is the sweetest, most compassionate child I’ve ever encountered. She is a friend to everyone and a joy to anyone she encounters. She’s goofy, good humored and is always willing to help. She is naturally that person who sees the glass as half full, not half empty and her easy going, happy nature is sure to make anyone smile. She loves animals, music & dancing though I am saddened that she seems to have inherited my dancing skills….

Clayton is an intense, sensitive child. Very gifted, focused and has an insatiable thirst for knowledge. He always thinks outside the box and is the one to ask the questions most wouldn’t think to ask. He is very straight forward and often embarrassingly blunt….He loves Art, and wants to be a Marine Biologist & Paleontologist when he grows up. He tends be obsessive over things that interest him (he gets that from me) and at times seems wise beyond his years..

I could go on and on about my children… They are my most precious gift, my favorite people to be around and a constant bit of humor in my every day life…

Tonight I’m forcing myself to go over all the joys of motherhood because I’m suffering from the aftermath of some of the not so nice sides of being “Mom”…

Mom tucks you in at night, teaches you how to cook, plays silly games with you, helps with homework & brings home that new puppy you’ve been asking for. Mom fixes boo boos, tickles you to make you forget something upsetting and takes care of you when you’re sick..

There’s that word… “sick”

We’ve had a round of some stomach flu here. The kids stayed home from school Friday because of it and it’s been a weekend of recovery… Or so I thought.

After a weekend of getting better and small meals, Clayton was feeling great, and hungry! He chowed down on pizza and seemed his normal self since early this afternoon. Even had a bit of ice cream.

All was well….. Until about 10:45pm.

I was snuggled up, reading a good book when I heard the awful sound…. That pre-gag sound…

Oh God, please not again…

Rush into the kid’s room in time to see Tator hanging over the top bunk vomiting EVERYWHERE!!

Do you have ANY FREAKING IDEA how far vomit can spread when it’s done from a good height?!?!?!

I didn’t break out the measuring tape to get an exact coverage area, but lets just say it covered a pretty big area…

But, being the holder of the title of "Mom" I had to pay my dues for all those happy times I enjoy so much.. So I crawled on the top bunk, held him until he was through, the whole time telling him not to worry, it’s okay, and I would fix everything up.

Got him settled and tucked in on the couch, reassured him that everything was just fine (he was apologizing for the mess, poor kid) and got him set up with his favorite show. All the while letting him know the mess was just a little one, no big deal and it would be easy peasy to set everything right again.

Sometimes moms lie!

Once he’s far away, I enter the contaminated zone of the house…. Oh noooo…. There is so much, on such a variety of surfaces that I don’t even know where to start and I know if I don’t start soon I’ll get overwhelmed and it will be that much harder. Thankfully the kid’s room isn’t carpeted…

I start with the bed….get it stripped, bedding in the wash, bed rails scrubbed down.

The floor took 2 entire rolls of paper towels just to get the more “solid“ bits….

Then the toy box.. Oh Oh Oh! Please say it isn't so...Not IN the toy box!!

I’m loosing my nerve here… Yes, call me a sissy but it’s getting to be too much, I’m getting sick.

Come on Crystal! Breathe through the mouth, don’t think too hard!

That was until I picked up a dinosaur toy and it DRIPPED vomit onto my other hand…

I jumped back…right into a missed puddle on the floor…

Slipped, and fell on my bottom right into a vomit puddle!

Can’t right myself without touching more of it…

Yep, too much for me!

I barely make it out the door to get sick myself.

I sit on the porch in my now nasty jammies, in the cold and bawl like a baby.


Why can’t mom’s have an “Ick Person” on call for these types of things?!?!!? Why is it just a given that moms can handle this stuff with ease?

I use the freezing water hose to clean off my feet & legs before going back inside… Strip down to my undies to finish the rest of the process & probably went a lil overkill with the disinfectant cleaner…

I admit, I gave up, tossed a BUNCH of stuff in the trash….

If you wanna call me wasteful then YOU can come do this crap next time.

At this point I’m barely holding it together…Cleaning, bawling and gagging as I go….

I will replace the toys I tossed.

I threw the toy box & my soiled clothes in the front yard.. Not very mature, but I figure in the morning I can hit them with the water hose or burn them…Whichever strikes my fancy when I‘ve had time to clear my head…

A bottle of chlorox, 3 big rolls of paper towels, two feed sacks worth of contaminated stuff and one very sick, empty tummy and I’m off to boil myself in the shower until there is no hot water left.

Once clean, I check on Tator… I cheerfully tell him the room is spic and span and it was only a little mess… He ask what all the noise was and I tell him I tripped. I fix him a lil chicken broth to sip & a few crackers to nibble. I wipe his brow with a damp cloth and sit with him until he drifts off to sleep again.

Because that’s what Mommy is supposed to do. He’ll never know my ordeal, the slew of profanities that slipped through my mind or my desperate hope that anyone but me could be mommy in those few nasty moments.

I’m wide awake and now that the mess is gone and he’s snuggled up around his beloved, ratty pillow known as “Stripey” I can bask in the joys of motherhood. He won’t be this sweet or this small forever. One of these days he won’t want me to cuddle him and one of these days he’ll probably give up that awful looking pillow and certainly won’t name his next one…

My favorite picture of Clayton & his "stripey"

Yes, at times moms pay a high price & get the tasks others can’t handle. But what we get in return is simply priceless…

Though if anyone is feeling sorrow over my plot tonight, you can hook me up when Mother’s Day rolls around… I jokingly tell people they can get me diamonds, but in reality I’m needing some seamless, big, stainless steel pots for cheese making (as well as a slew of other cheese making supplies), a yogurt maker & canning supplies....

Just kidding… Kinda J

There is one small bonus to this night.. Though it was far from fun, I won’t have to worry about that slice of pizza going to my hips, nor do I have the slightest hint of midnight munchies!!

See look at me "Little Miss Optimistic": Seeing the brightest side of things, even though it's approaching 2:00AM!


hoosier girl said...

Yikes! Hope everyone is well soon-"this too shall pass" (that was my mantra when my kids were little!)

~*~The Family~*~ said...

Check under the dressers! Some how it can "splash" (what a yuck word when it comes to vomit) all the way under there and on to the back wall only to be found much later when you move the dressers. Just thought you would want to know :)

I was lucky here, I did the poop and my dh did the vomit. I have even called him home when he was out to come and clean it up. He is a great guy.

* Crystal * said...

Thanks! I'm hoping he's on the mend....hasn't been sick since about 5AM & has held down some fluids.....Crossing my fingers!

Hoosier- Yes! "Splash" & "Vomit" together bring it to a whole new level of ick.... The dresser seemed outside of the drop zone, but ya never know...Guess I need to go look....Ugh.

Sadly vomit turns my hubby into a weeping woman! Though he may try, he can't take it. I do give him props though....He never shied from diaper duty when the kiddos were little & with Tator I didn't change a diaper on him until he was 3 days old! :) That didn't help any last night though.....

Oat Bucket Farm said...

OMG, I just read this and you had both me and my hubby laughing so hard.

I'm sorry, I know exactly what you went through, maybe that is why it's so funny. :)

* Crystal * said...

LOL - I found an even split on this post. Some were disgusted beyond belief, others laughed hysterically.

The ones who laugh are the ones who have been there & know the only way to survive the horror is with humor :-)

Carol said...

Absolutely hilarious. I need to spend more time reading your blog, I haven't laughed so hard in a long time. Obviously, I am a been there done that one too. lol

* Crystal * said...

Thanks Carol! :) Though I am sorry that you too have "Been there, done that". lol

Anonymous said...

Oh my! This had me in stitches!! Hysterical! You poor thing.